I’m sure you have heard it said many times that women today are “too masculine” to attract their hunky, virile man, and they need to use their feminine energy more when it comes to relationships.

And that’s right – to a certain extent. Today we have more “masculine” women and “feminine” men than ever before in history due to many factors – the Feminist Movement, Gay Liberation, the estrogen from birth control pills in our water and other endocrine-disrupting environmental toxins – and perhaps simply the yearning of the evolution of humanity to go beyond gender roles. It’s led to more confusion in our mating relationships than ever before. So we need to look at this issue of feminine vs. masculine energy more deeply.

First let’s define masculine and feminine energies. Masculine energy is defined as strong, hard, aggressive, analytical, concrete, assertive, tough-skinned, logical, rebellious, disciplined, single-minded, focused, independent, stable,  practical, passionate but non-emotional, and competitive. It is the active energy, busy, engaged in leading, directing, providing, protecting, striving, thrusting, controlling, taking charge, and using the left brain.

The feminine energy is defined as the receptive energy. It is soft, calm, tranquil, abstract, intuitive, sensual, patient, graceful, refined, artful, compassionate, kind, sensitive, tender, vulnerable, submissive, flexible, adaptable, supportive, receptive, attentive, respectful, tactful, emotional, dependent, passive, quiet, accepting, vibrant, life-giving, gentle, helpful and caring. Feminine energy is about surrender, allowing, receiving, synthesizing, creating, being, and using the right brain.

Reading over these lists, you probably identified most or even all of these traits within yourself. There is no man that doesn’t have any feminine qualities, and there is no woman that doesn’t have any masculine qualities. We all have the capacity to use any or all of the above energies that are listed. The differences between us is how much of the time and to what degree we hang out in any of these energies, and the labels of “masculine” and “feminine” would apply to which energies are more dominant in us.

It’s absolutely necessary to have both energies well-developed and balanced within us to be successful in life and in relationships. The masculine is necessary for interacting with our outer world, and the feminine is necessary for interfacing with our inner world. Corita Kent summarized our current dilemma beautifully when she said, “Women’s liberation is the liberation of the feminine in the man and the masculine in the woman.”

The key, of course, is not tipping the balance to extremes in either direction or playing these energies out in unhealthy ways. Ideally you want to have both of these energies fully-developed and functioning in a healthy manner within yourself. A man whose masculine energy is not fully developed can be unable to take lead, to direct, to trust himself, to take risks, and to  self-confidently move into the world. Likewise, a woman whose feminine energy is not fully developed can be selfish, self-seeking, and more concerned with her own well-being than the well-being of others. She might control and interfere with the lives of others and have a hard time allowing others their own choices or direction without being manipulated or hindered by her.

So the modern dilemma of masculine vs. feminine energy is to develop within yourself a healthy balance between both energies, no matter if you are a man or a woman – to be able to use your masculine energy to create your life and make things happen in the world, while tapping into your feminine energy to tend to your own and others’ emotional needs and create loving relationships.

The trouble most people – women or men – are having with relationships today is that the old role of being the masculine one or the feminine one is changing. It used to be that a masculine partner would pair with a feminine one and the two would balance each other’s energies out. Today, we are such a mix of both masculine and feminine, it’s more important to be in tune with when we are using which energy so we can balance out with when our partner is using the complementary energy.

To do this, of course, it is most important to have healthy, non-toxic  development of both energies and be in command of being able to switch between them as needed. Here’s where looking at your Shadow comes in – your Shadow keeps in place an unhealthy mix of masculine vs. feminine energy. Unmask your Shadow in these areas and you become free to use either energy as needed in a well-balanced way.

I invite you to explore your masculine or feminine energy Shadow with me! If you feel called to develop a healthier balance between these two energies in your life, click on my Contact page and set up a free 30-minute consultation with me.

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