Watch the above video before you read the below article. What was your experience of it?

Selective attention is a natural way that our brain helps us to focus. Attention is a limited resource, so selective attention allows us to tune out unimportant details and focus on what really matters.

With all the stimulus coming at us these days, selective attention is a very important function that helps us sort out what is and isn’t important.

The interesting thing is that we are not conscious of what we are tuning out. We believe that the way we view reality IS the way it is, IS the nature of reality – of course it is, we’re EXPERIENCING it, we’re LIVING it!

But are we really?

How much does what is going on in that “reality” out there ELUDE us? How much do we miss things that could be important?

Psychologists have shown that what we “edit” out of our reality is largely affected by our beliefs, prior experiences, the arousal of our senses, and other factors.

This is why it’s so important to look at the content of your Shadow – the beliefs and feelings you are not conscious of, that you are repressing because they don’t fit with the view of reality you want to hold onto.

If you are single and looking for a mate, it’s important to discover what you unconsciously believe about the dates you attract, or what you don’t know you believe about what is available for you and not, or about what your family may have taught you to believe about intimate relationships that you’re still not aware of.

If you are in a relationship, it’s also important to ask yourself what you learned from your family about relationships and how they are supposed to look. You can also ask yourself how important it is for you to be right. Or whether the flaws you see in your partner are real or projections of your Shadow.

And as you’ve heard me say many times – every relationship is a reflection of your relationship with your self. You can argue successfully that your relationship with yourself is the most important and the hardest to see!

…which is why we need caring and perceptive people around us to help us uncover how we are less than kind to ourselves, how we put our own needs behind others’, or conversely, how we are overly demanding and dissatisfied with who we are and therefore of others.

I invite you to sit with these questions now. And here’s the trick – try not to use your mentality to “figure out” the answers to these questions. Instead, ask the question and listen deeply to your soul for the answer. See what comes up for you.

Share your insights from either this self-inquiry or your reaction to the above video in the comments below, or on my Facebook page here.

And if you’d like to work more deeply with a caring and perceptive professional, schedule a consultation to see if we’re a good fit for working together here.