Today’s question comes from a reader who typifies a LOT of my clients, because of the trying times we live in. She writes:
“Nijole, I love listening to you and I really want to change my life – improve my relationships and find my life partner. But I’m a single mom with a high-level career and honestly don’t have any time to focus on shifting my life, but I badly need it. I’m running in every direction & already can’t get everything done. I try listening to webinars & podcasts while driving or running. I’ve taken some online classes but a few weeks later I forget everything I spent good money on. How can I find time to make my life WORK?! It feels impossible.”
I truly feel for your dilemma. And you’re not alone – we are all struggling with the overwhelming amount of overload coming at us every moment. Our lives are more complex than EVER.
The key to changing your life – and it sounds like you already know this – is to FOCUS on what you want to accomplish. And to focus on one thing at a time until it is handled. Here are my 6 tips for helping you find the time & space to Focus:
FIRST – It’s true that taking an online class or two or three will not change your life – UNLESS you put in place a support system to keep that new habit in place. Because the truth is that after the class is over and all that weekly support is done, we tend to go back to our previous deeply ingrained habits.
This is why the clients who work with me in one-on-one sessions over long periods of time have the greatest success rate. It’s that weekly check-in, the reminder of the principles we’re trying to put in place, and of course the tailored attention to exactly what you need in any given moment, that brings about the greatest shift.
So the most important thing is to find at least one hour every week for putting new habits into place. That requires a little organization and prioritization.
SECOND – You mentioned that you want to improve your relationships and find your life partner. Pick one relationship you want to improve and focus on making it one baby step better in some way.
Does someone need a quick one-sentence text or email to say you love them, are thinking of them, or to apologize? Or do you need to set aside some time – say one hour that week – to get together with them for some quality time?
The trick is to know how to prioritize what’s important to you instead of treating everything as though it has equal importance.
If your priority is to find your life partner, this is a bigger project that requires substantially more time. Doing the necessary soul-searching to put you in the right vibrational resonance for attracting your soulmate takes time and focus. As does unearthing the subconscious programming that may be holding you back.
And once you’re ready to begin dating, it takes a lot of time to find people and meet with them, and check out if there is any possibility with them – over time, lots of time.
THIRD – There is no getting around that more time will need to be found to accommodate whatever is the new thing you want to put in place in your life.
So you need to look at what you can let go of. And I get it – everything seems important and like there’s no way you can drop doing all the endless things on your list of obligations. Some are truly very important – like spending lots of quality time with your children. But with other things, you may want to look at the AMOUNT of time you need to spend on tasks.
FOURTH – Studies show that a task will take as long as the time allocated to do it. This means that if you’re given 3 days to plan a presentation, you will take 3 days. And if you’re given 7 hours to plan a presentation, you will take 7 hours and it will not be of a lesser quality necessarily. It might be different, but it will be good if you’re good at what you do.
So look at how you can snip the amount of time spent on tasks. Does that report for work truly need 3 hours or can you do it well enough in 2? Is there anything you can delegate? Can you get help – grocery delivery, for example? You mentioned you’re in a high-level career – perhaps you can hire a household manager – someone to oversee the cleaning lady, the gardeners, the errands, the laundry, etc.
There are also studies that show you can accomplish great fitness and muscle tone with a 20-minute routine instead of an hour-long routine – depending on how you are working the muscles. So look into ways you can spend less time than you think you need on the things you’re already doing.
FIFTH – The other trick is to start practicing saying NO so you can find the time you need for working on yourself. This is not easy for those of us who are High Sensitives, People Pleasers, Over-Givers or Over-Achievers. And yet, studies of highly successful people show that they say no to almost EVERYTHING.
This is where Single Focus comes in. Choose 3 or 4 priorities in your life and let the rest go. The more singular your focus, the greater your success in that area. Once you have upleveled that area of your life, you put in place a way to maintain, and then you can choose your next area of focus.
AND SIXTH – When it comes to coaches, I know many of us follow a number of coaches and try to listen to so many free webinars and podcasts, wanting to take advantage while they’re available.
You have to weed out your media consumption too.
Pick one coach at a time and stick with them for a while. It does no good to listen to many coaches if they’re directing you in all different directions. Stick with one perspective – that you have found resonates with you – until you feel you have gotten the benefit and really embodied the change you were looking for.
Otherwise, it’s the ego’s trick to make you think you’re accomplishing a lot by trying to take in so many different forms of advice. The truth is, you’re not embodying any of it, you’re skimming along the surface, so it does you no good.
TO SUMMARIZE – There is no getting around the best way for us all to grow and make permanent changes in our lives:
Focus on one thing at a time
Say no & let go of all that is unnecessary
Cut down the amounts of time that need to be spent
Take time to go DEEP
If my perspective resonates with you, why not set up a free consultation to see if we are a match for working together by clicking here.
Let me know your thoughts about this article and how easy or difficult it is for you to find time to FOCUS. Leave a comment below or on my Facebook page here.