Here is a question I received recently from a woman who cannot get over her ex:

“What do I do about a soulmate who doesn’t think he is? My boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago, and I really believe he was my soulmate. I haven’t found anyone else better in all this time and can’t stop thinking about him. Is it possible for me to get him back?”

This is a very sad situation, and I truly do feel for you. I do believe that your boyfriend was sent to you for a purpose – all our lovers / partners are sent to us for a purpose – however, it looks like the purpose was not for him to stay and be your long-term partner.

We, of course, have no control over another person’s choices – the only person you have any control over is yourself and your own choices. Staying unresolved about a past relationship is one of the main reasons we don’t attract someone new, so let’s take a look at what you can do to move forward with your life.

1. You need to fully grieve your loss. That means releasing all the feelings of sadness from your body, and not staying attached to them. Your Survival Self or Lower Self wants to stay identified with being the jilted lover. If you can put some space between your Self and your grief, you will be able to watch yourself releasing these feelings from your body once and for all, so they no longer have power over you. Set your intention to let the feelings go completely.

2. Give yourself a new identity. Once you feel some relief from your feelings, begin to see yourself not as the “jilted lover”, but as someone who is capable of loving again and finding another soulmate (yes, there can be many in our lives!). Re-frame the idea that your ex-boyfriend “left you” and begin to see that he simply made a choice – based  on his own inner wisdom, I’m guessing – to move in a different direction. See how this new thought is not hurtful to you? And you certainly don’t want to be with someone who cannot see the Good in staying with you, right? That is not honoring of yourself and your Innate Beauty. See yourself as someone who HONORS who you are and what you desire.

3. Try to choose the thoughts that help you feel better, rather than the thoughts that keep you in pain. Remember the exercise I had you do last week? The higher our vibration, the more attractive we become. Focusing on the thought that you haven’t been able to find someone better is not helpful. Do your best to tap into hope for a new and brighter future. We attract what we FEEL, not what we WANT, so it’s very important to FEEL really good – attractive, hopeful, and focused on having your dream come true.

4. Make a decision that you will find your perfect life partner who wants you, cares about you, and loves you better than your ex who left. Making a conscious decision about what we want to bring about in our life, is perhaps the most important thing you can do to attract the life partner that is perfect for you! When you make that decision, the Universe has clarity about what It is to bring to you.

5. Take INSPIRED action. Many of us go about our actions in a rather unconscious way – having a list of what we think we need to get done: Fill out dating profile – check! Meet soulmate – check! Get married – check! Have children – check! I don’t know what is right for your soul’s journey, so l recommend that you listen deeply to your Inner Wisdom. Ask It what It would have you do today, and then act on THAT. You may be surprised – It may whisper quietly to you “Go take a walk at the bird sanctuary.” You might think, “What does that have to do with finding my soulmate?!” And then that may be the very place your soulmate is hanging out! Or it may be someone you bump into on your way TO the bird sanctuary. We need to be open to having our Inner Wisdom guide us, otherwise we can spend our time spinning our wheels in fruitless actions.

6. Give thanks for EVERYTHING the Universe brings you. All those lousy guys you’ve been dating? They are in your life for a reason. They might be reminding you of what you don’t want, they might be pointing to your Shadow grief that you need to release, they might be pointing to a belief you need to let go of, they might be teaching you some very important lessons! So don’t lose the lesson – take in each experience the Universe is sending you, analyze it for the Good, take in and receive the Good FULLY by being grateful for what you DID get out of it, and then let go of the rest. Don’t dwell on what was not good. When we REALLY, FULLY take in all the Universe is giving us on a regular basis, we feel blessed and happy, and are lifting our vibration to be able to receive more and MORE GOOD! This is why being grateful – even for what seems no good – is SO vitally important.

I hope this helps you to release your ex! Let me know in the comments below, or on my Facebook page, what you thought of this 6-step process. I always love hearing from you!