Is Your Shadow the Phantom Relationship?

Are you ready to commit to finding your True Love relationship? Sometimes we think we are, and then we find there’s something in the way – that something could be a Phantom Relationship.

There are a few different types of Phantom Relationships – I’ll discuss 3 of them below, along with what you can do to free yourself from these love-blockers!

The first kind is a relationship with a real person, that you are emotionally involved in, but for whatever reason is not a satisfying relationship. Your partner may be emotionally unavailable, or appear to be available but not really committed.

It may be a dramatic relationship, frought with fighting and amazingly passionate sex – which is highly appealing to the ego and not so satisfying for the long run. Or it may be a relationship based on need where there may not be enough compatibility, where both partners are “settling”.

The good news is that this type of Phantom Relationship has the highest potential for becoming a True Love Relationship. Both partners need to set their egos aside, take a good hard look at the work they need to do within themselves to connect with their partner, take responsibility, and make a commitment to work it out. If there is enough love and compatibility, it could possibly work out.

The second type of Phantom Relationship is where you are still emotionally involved with a real person that is no longer in the picture. Either they passed away or you broke up, and it may have been years ago.

This includes a childhood sweetheart you never got over, or that “best” relationship you ever had that broke up for no good reason. Here’s a clue: if it really was your “best” relationship, it would not be over now (unless they’re deceased).

This type of Phantom Relationship keeps us safe by staying loyal to a memory we once cherished. Our Shadow feels it is too risky to let go. However, to attract a new True Love relationship, you need to release your attachment to this memory and be able to move on.

I recommend doing some brain reprogramming by considering that there actually could be a better relationship coming up in your future, and say this affirmation several times a day, really feeling it to be true and believing it. Also do some closure rituals to say goodbye to the memory you are still honoring, and finally release it.

The third type of Phantom Relationship is the most insidious – it is the programming we received from our families and from society – the IDEAL notion of what a “perfect” relationship is supposed to look like, or what a relationship that would be “perfect” for you is supposed to look like.

Today more than ever, I find that people are more demanding of what they want in a relationship. After all, we can buy the “perfect” smart phone, get the “perfect” job, wear the “perfect” outfit, have the “perfect” car or home – why shouldn’t we be able to attract our “perfect” partner?

We are taught not to settle, and taught to make our list of all the qualities we’re looking for in a partner, and those things are all very good if we are not coming from FEAR of being involved with the “wrong” person. As with everything in life, there is no “right” and “wrong” – everything has something to teach us, and if we don’t learn it we won’t move forward.

Having said all that, I did have my list of 25 qualities and gratefully, my soulmate husband had all of them! But he does have his flaws, and so do I.

The thing is that people are magnificently IMperfect, and we need to become mature and loving enough to know how to handle each other’s imperfections in a way that finally creates our “perfect” relationship. This requires a bit of skill.

So the way to handle this third type of Phantom Relationship is to develop better ways to communicate your needs lovingly, and to know your own Shadow qualities so well that you know how to work with them. Doing your Shadow work will directly lead to your developing compassion for your partner as they struggle with their own Shadow qualities. And compassion of course leads to creating True Love.

Any questions or comments? Leave them in the box below or on my Facebook page here – I love hearing how this works for you! Wishing you True Love!

2 thoughts on “Is Your Shadow the Phantom Relationship?”

  1. I would also mention the partner who only thinks of Himself or Herself. I dated and really liked a man of which we were good together, but left due to Him on thinking only of Himself and the drinking from early afternoon or start right after work. I seem to pick the ones that are truly only into themselves or to controlling. I do have a guard up of whom I wish to date or be with.

    1. Yes – that one falls under the first type – being involved with someone who is unavailable. Good for you that you left! Now just to clear up your energy and let go of that old pattern.

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