This week’s question comes from a reader who asks:

Is it better to really look for my soulmate, or is it better to just go about my life and let them just show up? With the upcoming holidays, I don’t know whether to say yes to every invitation – they might be good opportunities but I didn’t have success last year!

Ah, there’s SO much to say on this subject! The short answer is yes and no.

Let’s back up a little bit. The way we attract our soulmate is by being in vibrational alignment with Love. As I’ve said before, the Universe is a mirror. It reflects back to us what is going on inside of us. It can only bring us experiences that are in alignment with the vibration we are emanating.

So what does being in vibrational alignment with Love look like?

Four Main Things:
1) You have learned to love yourself (in all 10 ways!)
2) You’ve cleared a lot of your Shadow beliefs that were blocking your Love vibration
3) You’ve forgiven yourself and others and past experiences, and
4) You operate mostly out of your Authentic Higher Self rather than out of your Lower Survival Self.

(If you have any questions on any of the above, click the link to the right that says “Let’s Talk!” and schedule a complimentary consultation with me to get you sorted out!)

From the question above, it sounds like this reader still has some forgiveness and releasing work to do around previous lack of success in relationship.

As far as the question of how much to actively search for your soulmate and how much to just go about your life so they can show up – it is a fine balance between those two. I will take you through The Three Steps you need to take after you have the Four Main Things above already in place.

For the First Step – the Universe doesn’t have volition on its own – it simply organizes itself around your intention. So you do need to communicate to it  that a soulmate is what you desire. The way we communicate that to the Universe is by setting a definite intention, coming to a decision, making our commitment.

I remember when I left my first husband, I wasn’t in the least bit interested in getting into another long-term relationship for a while. I felt I wanted to date a lot, get to know what’s out there, get to know better what I prefer and what I’m looking for. I was in “data research” mode.

Eventually (after about 5 years), I felt I had accumulated enough data and was ready to make a choice and get involved. You know that feeling when you’ve finally made a decision after a lot of weighing pro’s and con’s? It’s like a solid energy in your gut – something that feels like a punctuation mark – the period at the end of a sentence.

When I did finally get married, Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith performed the ceremony, and his talk was about how commitment releases spiritual energy. This is why it’s important to make a commitment to finding your soulmate – if you’re ready, of course. It is the fuel that sends your intention out into the world, so a vibrational match can make its way back to you.

For your Second Step – after you’ve made your commitment, the important thing is to stay in touch with the voice of your Inner Guidance. It’s important to learn the difference between the voice of your chattering “monkey mind” (as the Buddhists call it) and the voice of your soul. Your soul’s voice is usually quieter and feels like intuition or a flash of inspiration. Listen to your deep, internal, Authentic voice which will tell you where to go, who to speak to, what to do and say in order to lead you to your soulmate.

So regarding all those holiday party invitations? Become still and centered so you’re connected with your Inner Guidance, and listen to the small, still, quiet response – it may be in your gut – for whether you should go or not, and then take action accordingly.

And then for your Third Step – let go of needing this to take place in a certain way, or for your soulmate to come in a certain package. That, again, is the voice of the chattering “monkey mind”. People are SO afraid to let go of that! As if the Universe would bring you a soulmate that’s a CLUNKER that you’ll have to suffer with for the rest of your life!! No-ooo-ooo-oo!! Not so!

Usually, the Universe brings us a miracle we didn’t expect that might not look like what we thought, but is INFINITELY BETTER! That’s why you need to let go of the form your soulmate will come in. You can state your preference to the Universe: I want this, this, and this. But always add “This or something better!” so that your preference is RELEASED.

It’s in the Release that the Universe can be free to do its magic. You’ve heard the saying “If you’re grasping for something you want, your hands are closed in a clenched fist, and they cannot receive.” In order to receive, your hands / spirit needs to be open. Being open means being vulnerable.

Vulnerability is very difficult for most people who are searching for love. We’ve been hurt before, we don’t know if we can trust. We don’t trust ourselves because we don’t know how to put down boundaries and take care of ourselves (a very important prerequisite step!). And yet we can’t receive if we’re not vulnerable. Vulnerability is being receptive – in a state of receiving.

The interesting thing about vulnerability is that it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable, and then once you are in a true state of open-heartedness and vulnerability, that is where you find your strength and you no longer need courage. Another paradox of life!

I hope this helped! I look forward to hearing what you got out of this article – please leave a comment below, or leave one on my Facebook page here.