You’ve heard me talk about my soulmate, whom I’ve been married to for over 21 years now. The above photo describes how we both felt when we first got together – the first night we were out together, we had that instantaneous “You’re the ONE!!” realization! We never knew it existed before either.
And in all my previous posts, you’ve heard me talk about what it takes to create this kind of love – mainly Self Love, which is the love for your Higher Self.
Today, I’m going to take the point of view of the lower self, since we do live there much of the time! And the lower self has a purpose – it is our survival self – it protects us as we navigate a potentially dangerous world, so we definitely don’t want to annihilate this important and useful part of ourselves.
The question is – are you going about your love relationships from the point of view of the lower self, or from your Higher Self?
The lower self is looking for that PERFECT partner. The one that has everything on our list of traits that we’re looking for. And don’t get me wrong – I had that list of traits – 25 of them to be exact! And my soulmate husband had all the qualities on my list.
But our survival self with its Shadow can use that list to protect us too! It can be using that list of traits to keep us safe in our comfort zone, to keep us from taking a risk, or from feeling vulnerable. And our vulnerability is what connects us with others.
Ultimately, there is no PERFECT relationship – and I can attest to that, after so many years with my soulmate! Life brings us challenges, it has its ups and downs, and there were a couple of times we thought we were on the brink of divorce, though we’ve always worked it out and now we are more deeply in love than ever.
Here is Elizabeth Gilbert’s take on the Soulmate relationship:
So what’s a single person looking for a life partner to do? Trust that EVERY person the Universe sends your way has a gift for you. Discover what that particular relationship has to offer you. Usually, the gift is learning something about what you need, who you are, or what Shadow aspect you didn’t see in yourself before, that you need to release and integrate.
We are all here to learn and grow together. Hopefully, it’s all leading us to know how to love better and more. Sometimes the love we are learning is a greater love for ourselves, or for our Higher Self. Sometimes we need to learn how to love others more – just the way they are, unconditionally.
I see too many clients who dismiss potential partners too quickly based on an initial impression. And although I and my husband experienced the “OMG, you’re the ONE!” response instantaneously, this happened only after a couple of decades of dating others, marrying, divorcing, and learning to be very CONSCIOUS about love.
I do believe a soulmate relationship can also evolve slowly, where love grows over time, because you are growing in your Self-knowledge, and I have witnessed that as well.
It took me a lot of interim relationships to finally get to Soulmate love. The bottom line is that you have to get out there and PRACTICE love! You need to learn and develop your relationship SKILLS. Like any other skill in life, once you get it down, you begin to really reap the rewards. And yes, it will be imperfect, sometimes messy, possibly costly, and you will make mistakes, and you will get hurt. But those possibilities should not stop you from learning to LOVE.
It’s like deciding as a toddler, not to learn to walk because you might fall down! Your muscles aren’t yet strong enough, but each time you get up and get going, they do get stronger and stronger. In relationships, it’s your falling down that finally breaks down your Shadow, your ego, that is protecting you from being FULLY engaged with Life, and each time you recover and decide to love again, you strengthen your own greatest Inner Power! And THAT is why it’s SO worth it!!
I hope this article has helped you. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Wishing you MUCH LOVE!